Too many people enter rooms as if everyone is waiting for them to fail.
But most often, others in the room have a stake in us doing well.
We have all experienced nerves, anxiety, or uncertainty before a new interaction, be it social, professional, or otherwise. Some people feel nervous before a first date, showing up for a job interview, or when walking into a networking function full of strangers. Others have anxiety before a court appearance, a deposition, or a first meeting with a prospective client.
The uncertainty some feel when entering these kinds of interactions often stems from concern about how we will be perceived by others. Will they like us? Will they judge us? Will they be aggressive or even rude?
This kind of thinking assumes people want or expect us to fail. But this is shortsighted.
Because more often than we realize, people are rooting for us.
Nerves about a first date? The person you’re meeting doesn’t want you, or the date, to be a dud. They are rooting for you to be interesting, engaging, and appealing. They are rooting for chemistry and a real connection.
Nerves about a job interview? No employer is hoping you blow the interview. They are rooting for you to ace it and make the hiring decision easy.
Nerves about networking with strangers? Most people you approach are rooting for you to make a good first impression. They are rooting for engaging conversation and a meaningful interaction.
But litigation is adversarial. No one is rooting for each other in litigation, are they?
In one important sense, particularly in mediation, everyone is rooting for everyone else to do their job well.
Your opposing counsel? Even they often have a stake in your best self showing up. They are not rooting for your client’s position or for your number. But they are rooting for you to have credibility with your client. They are rooting for you to understand risk. They are rooting for you to communicate difficult information in a way your client can hear. They are rooting for you to make realistic moves, to respond constructively, and to help create the conditions for resolution.
The same is true of your client. Your client is rooting for you to be prepared, calm, candid, and strategic. Your client is rooting for you to tell them the truth, including the truth they may not want to hear. Your client is rooting for you to help them make a good decision under difficult circumstances.
And the mediator is rooting for everyone. Not in the sense of favoring one side over the other. The mediator is rooting for each participant to do the work the day requires. To listen. To reassess. To manage emotion. To understand risk. To make decisions with judgment rather than fear, anger, or pride.
That does not mean everyone is on your side. They are not.
But in more situations than we realize, the people across from us have some stake in our success. They need us to show up well. They need us to make the interaction better. They need us to be credible, thoughtful, and effective.
That is a different way to walk into a room.
Instead of assuming everyone is judging you or waiting for you to fail, consider the possibility that many of them are hoping you succeed. Maybe not in the exact way you define success. Maybe not in the way that gives you everything you want. But in the way that makes the interaction, the relationship, the negotiation, or the decision better.
Everyone is rooting for you.
Not always for your outcome.
But often for your best self to show up.
